Because of fatigue, low energy, and overall negative health, I decided to go the traditional route and visited an herbalist doctor (Things to do in Korea Item #3) last week. He measured my pulse, and yesterday, I picked up a month’s supply of traditional herbal medicine called hanyak (I think it literally translates to “Korean medicine”).
It’s supposedly tailor-brewed to target all the ailments that the doctor picked up from a pulse reading. Every Korean kid has tried hanyak once (or more) in their lives, because our mothers swear by it. Just like Greek fathers use Windex as a cure-all, Korean mothers have force-fed hanyak to address everything from the common cold, obesity, and acne to bachelor-/spinsterhood and child-barrenness.
And here I am volunteering to take hanyak. The down side to hanyak is that there’s a lot of eating restrictions so that conventional food doesn’t interfere with hanyak’s medicinal properties. Mine is no flour, egg, sprouts, fried food, fatty food, spicy foods, and salty food. So I had a K.B ++ Kraze Burger, a bowl of jjajangmyun, and some pan-fried wontons for dinner last night as my last meal. Game on!
I have to drink two 5oz pouches a day, preferably in lieu of a meal or an hour after a meal. I don’t exactly know how to describe hanyak, but all I gotta say is Andrew Zimmern tried it in Hong Kong and he had such a hard time swallowing it that he poured the rest into the river.
This is what hanyak’s OkCupid profile would look like:
My self-summary
I have the look and texture of prune juice gone bad, taste like bitter mud, and leave a residue in your mouth of burning tire smoke. But your mom will love me!
I’m really good at
Making people gag
The first thing people usually notice about me
The smell…like rotting garbage on a hot summer day.
The six things I could never do without
What? Only six? Depending on each person, I need to choose a combination from hundreds of different dried things, like ginseng, tree bark, rose hip, deer antler, flying lizard gizzard, sea horse spout, yellow-leg black centipede penis, etc.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sucking on a piece of candy afterwards helps A LOT.
You should message me if
You need help with internal balance and harmony.
While we’re on the topic of mud and pureed bear guts, here’s another interesting feature of a Korean public restroom (this from the high-end Hyundai Department Store). It’s a button installed on the inside of the bathroom stall.
Push the button and music will play. But Jess, why would anyone need this feature? For those times when Mr, Hankey is about to have an explosive moment of gastrointestinal fortitude in a public restroom, silly.
And here I am volunteering to take hanyak. The down side to hanyak is that there’s a lot of eating restrictions so that conventional food doesn’t interfere with hanyak’s medicinal properties. Mine is no flour, egg, sprouts, fried food, fatty food, spicy foods, and salty food. So I had a K.B ++ Kraze Burger, a bowl of jjajangmyun, and some pan-fried wontons for dinner last night as my last meal. Game on!
I have to drink two 5oz pouches a day, preferably in lieu of a meal or an hour after a meal. I don’t exactly know how to describe hanyak, but all I gotta say is Andrew Zimmern tried it in Hong Kong and he had such a hard time swallowing it that he poured the rest into the river.
This is what hanyak’s OkCupid profile would look like:
My self-summary
I have the look and texture of prune juice gone bad, taste like bitter mud, and leave a residue in your mouth of burning tire smoke. But your mom will love me!
I’m really good at
Making people gag
The first thing people usually notice about me
The smell…like rotting garbage on a hot summer day.
The six things I could never do without
What? Only six? Depending on each person, I need to choose a combination from hundreds of different dried things, like ginseng, tree bark, rose hip, deer antler, flying lizard gizzard, sea horse spout, yellow-leg black centipede penis, etc.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sucking on a piece of candy afterwards helps A LOT.
You should message me if
You need help with internal balance and harmony.
While we’re on the topic of mud and pureed bear guts, here’s another interesting feature of a Korean public restroom (this from the high-end Hyundai Department Store). It’s a button installed on the inside of the bathroom stall.
Push the button and music will play. But Jess, why would anyone need this feature? For those times when Mr, Hankey is about to have an explosive moment of gastrointestinal fortitude in a public restroom, silly.
And yes, Hyundai builds department stores in addition to cars. Howdy-ho!
OMG, now Eric is going to have to add this feature to his bathroom wish list. He already wants a crazy Japanese toilet.
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