Taxicab Dialogues (Part II)

I love talking to taxi drivers. They are an integral part of any culture, with their knowledge of the ins and outs of the city. I've always learned something interesting from cab drivers and how they literally drive the whole city. The ones in Seoul have immediately been able to determine that I'm not a local girl, and that always gets the conversation going.

Taxi Driver: I don't understand why the U.S. troops are moving their base to the south of Seoul.

Me: What don't you understand?

Taxi Driver: If the North Koreans attack, then who's going to protect us?

Me: You're going to protect yourself.  It's your country.

Taxi Driver: Why are the U.S. troops doing in Korea if they aren't going to protect us from the North Koreans?

Me: You really think the Americans are going to just sit there if South Korea is attacked?

Taxi Driver: The troops are so far away that Seoul will be annihilated by the North before the Americans help us.

Me: They are only moving like 20 miles south of Seoul. And they probably aren't going to complete the move til closer to 2020. Look, you guys didn't even bat an eye when the North Koreans were going to test their long range missile last week.

Taxi Driver: Because they were aiming at the sea.

Me: You really believed that the missile would even get to the sea? I mean if the missile fell short, it would have landed in South Korea. Are you going to excuse their real intensions just because they are incompetent?

Taxi Driver: You need to tell Obama to keep the U.S. troops in Seoul.

Me: And you need to tell all the commies in the National Assembly to stop with their Anti-American sentiments.  

Speaking of North Korean missiles, I received an email yesterday morning from the U.S. Embassy in Seoul informing Americans that the Korea Civil Defense Agency was going to conduct a nationwide earthquake drill at 2pm. This is no Tier I National Level Exercise where bureaucrats get to blow smoke up each other's woo-woo. When the siren goes off for one minute, everyone is expected to participate. Pedestrians are expected to walk, not run, to an open area and all vehicles are supposed to come to a complete stop. Thank goodness that I signed up for Smart Traveler program, because if I heard the siren without any prior warning, I would have ducked under the desk waiting for the fake North Korean missiles. Too 1950s Cold War? Maybe.  



I try to explain to people that 9/11 is still fresh in our minds. Furthermore, upon hearing that the crazy guy up North with nuclear capabilities wants to annihilate Seoul because they disrespect his authoritah, I err on the side of the insane.

FYI - I received a text message at 3:27pm about the earthquake drill from the Korean authorities. Now you see why I'm skeptical of Korea's Emergency Management Agency?  They are 1h 30m late to the game.

Wacky Wednesday - Cousins Edition

I got together with some of my cousins (all on my mom's side) for a museum and dinner outing after work yesterday.  

We met up in the Hongdae area and went to Santorini Seoul, a trick-eye museum.  Trick-eye (Trompe l'oeil) museums are a way for visitors to interact and become part of the art themselves.  It was much much more fun visiting the Santorini Seoul with a group of people rather than by myself because we were able to take wacky pictures. (All the paintings are 2D)

Side note: Anything Greek-related in Korea always includes "Santorini" in the name. i.e., greek restaurant (Santorinis), greek yogurt (santorini yogurt), gyro (santorini sandwich), etc. 

For dinner, I had one of my best meals in Seoul: Pork Curry Tonkatsu.  A scoop of rice, spicy pork curry, and tonkatsu (weiner schnitzel Japanese-style), topped with cheese and shaved garlic chips.  So heavenly and perfect post-hangover food.  Afterwards, we got some craft ice-cream, so I was able to indulge in a scoop of gorgonzola honey and a scoop of bacon cinnamon ice cream.  I think they are my new favorite flavors, and it makes me long for my ice cream maker at home.  Yeah, it wasn't a vegetarian-Muslim friendly meal at all but it was oh so good!

Taxicab Dialogues

Me: Sir, please take me to Place A.

Taxi Driver: Okay, no problem.  You're not from around here, are you?

Me: How can you tell?

Taxi Driver: Your Korean isn't so good.

Me: Where do you think I'm from?

Taxi Driver: Japan.

Me: Why do you think Japan?

Taxi Driver: Because you don't look Chinese.

Me: I'm actually Korean but just came from the States.

Taxi Driver: How long have you been there?

Me: Over 25 years.

Taxi Driver: You're Korean is really good! 

Single Asian Female Seeking Lunch Conversation

It's Cleo's birthday today! She shares her birthday with Hitler and George Takai, and the infamous anniversaries of the Branch Davidian assault, Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine High School shooting, and Deep Water Horizon explosion.   Cleo loves her birthday because she gets to eat an Arby's Jr. Roast Beef Sandwich all by herself.

Eating should be one of the most exciting aspects in a foreign country. If you can't tell by now, I'm not having much fun at lunch these days. I had more fun eating with Cleo back home, even if she didn't have any manners and was trying to eat off my plate. An obvious solution to give people their freedom to choose was to go to a lunch buffet. My co-workers didn't hesitate to eat whatever they wanted, and I was pleased to watch people get up for seconds and thirds. Regrettably, this is not the whole picture. The CEO was out today for meetings, so the co-workers told me they go to the buffet when the CEO can't join them for lunch. If they didn't tell me that, I had this great idea for a book titled Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité, et Smorgasbordé on whether free nations have more all-you-can-eat restaurants per capita than authoritarian countries. I might still write a book on that.

The other memorable part about lunch was riding the elevator to the buffet floor. We rode in a six-person wooden elevator from the lobby to the 7th floor. Yes, you read it correctly. A WOODEN elevator, made from the finest North Korean plywood. So scary that I heard the Oompa Loompas singing (in William Hung's voice): 

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Doo
I've got a perfect story for you.
Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dee
If you're wise, you'll listen to me.
You can bet this elevator wasn't built by Otis
Nor inspected monthly by the government employee Curtis.
Up and down it takes people hourly
And in their habit they fill this space densely.
Beware the dude that just ate a lot;
He just significantly weakened this moving woodlot.
Relish the risk in this joyride
Since to the floor it might suddenly collide.
You'll end up living in happiness too
Just like the Oompa Loompa Doompadee Doo.

But I digress.  Even if the co-workers were able to eat freely during lunch, I'm still stuck with awkward silence.  My brother suggested some activities that I can lead to enhance the lunch experience:  

1. Pick a name out of a hat to see who gets to decide where to eat
2. Pick a word of the day and make sure everyone uses it once during lunch
3. Tell them konglish jokes (e.g., Why don't lobsters share?  Because they are shell-fish. You have to read it out loud to get it.)
4. Incite anger in people
5. Do an alternative of the Cinnamon Challenge, like daring people to eat a whole bowl of kimchi without rice and water
6. Eat everything with a fork like a foreigner
7. Start a food fight
8. Buy people lunch even though its paid for by the company
9. Make them feel awkward
10. Eat a cookie quietly for lunch and listen to music
11. Laugh violently over nothing like a crazy person
12. Tell people that they can only use their non-dominant hand to eat during lunch
13. Bet someone 20,000 won that they can't eat their entire lunch blindfolded

Let's just say I implemented #11 immediately reading his suggestions. The woman I share an office kept a poker face, so I laughed harder. Shouldn't her natural response be to ask me what's funny so that she can laugh with (or at) me?  Nope, no response. I'm partial to trying out #5, 6, and 10 next week. Currently soliciting more ice breaker ideas to implement--the crazier the better. 

Award for the Worst Drivers Goes to...

I've been purposely trying to hold off my observations about Seoul drivers.  For years, I've been playing devil's advocate whenever someone mentions the common follies of Asian drivers, and even went as far as trying not to fall into the stereotype of being an ignorant oblivious driver.

I am on bended knees and I wholeheartedly apologize for all those years of denying that Asian people are terrible drivers.  I came to the realization the first day when I was turning the corner in front of my place and almost got hit by an SUV.  Dude didn't even break.  Delivery guys in motorcycles zooming along the sidewalk is a regular occurance.  Same with cars going on reverse at 30mph on narrow alleys.  On weekends, the cars even bypass each other or park on the sidewalks, irregardless of whether there are pedestrians.  In Seoul, it's cars first, pedestrians non-existent. 

Dealing with this, I have now been afflicted with furor infestantibus de pedestrem (a.k.a. FIP or Aggressive Pedestrian Rage).  

Signs and symptoms: Narrowing of eyes and staring in hostile manner, entertaining thoughts of violence against the driver, pointing with the digitus manus medius, and verbally expressing condemnation in an elevated voice like a real New Jersey housewife, such as "Are you f*king kidding me?"

Epidemiology: Individuals with FIP are predominantly 32.0 years of age on average, female, black hair, brown eyes, 5'3", and lives in Seoul.

Causes: Individual has a tendency to displace anger on the strains of urban living. Borderline aggressive personality disorder.

Treatment: Acquire a good health, as well as life, insurance plans. Disability insurance might also come in handy. Have an updated will with lawyer. Make peace with God and all thy enemies. Focus on breathing as it goes in and out and maintain a normal breating rhythm.  

The "Are You Kidding Me?" Dialogues

As any salaryperson knows, the day just goes downhill at 2pm due to lunchtime fatigue, natural rhythm, etc. I usually try to hold on til 3pm and take a break to walk around and clear my head. Today, I asked the woman who I share an office with if she wanted to take a walk with me. Here is our subsequent conversation. 

Me: I'm going to take a walk outside to clear my head with some fresh polluted air. Do you want to join me? 

Woman: Do you think that's allowed? 

Me: Uhhh yeah. Why wouldn't it be allowed? It's a lovely day and the birds are calling. 

Woman: Well, the CEO isn't here today so we should all be working. 

Me: I've been working since this morning. 

Woman: We should ask for permission. 

Me: Are you kidding me? 

Woman: Everyone else is working so we shouldn't just leave our desks. 

Me: Are you kidding me? I've been sitting since we got back from lunch. This is worse than sitting for 13 hours on an airplane.

Woman: I'll go with you if you get permission. 

Me: Fine...I'll tell them to call my cell if anything happens. 

I get a confused look and a laugh from the CEO's secretary when I tell her that I'm stepping outside. I start making small talk with this woman, but then... 

Woman: We should go back. 

Me: Are you kidding me? We haven't even gone around the block. 

Woman: We shouldn't leave the office for too long or people are going to think that we're not working. That's how it works in Korea. 

Me: If you keep on saying these things, I'm just going to take a walk by myself from now on.

Woman: How could you say something like that?

Me: You're frustrating me and I can't clear my head.

Later on, I found out that she used to work in a Chinese factory for six months. That explains a lot. And it makes me want to shake this place up even more.

Seoul Metro and Kpop Loving

I live near two metro stops, and for the past two weeks, I've been making the trek to the Sinnonhyeon Station (directly west of my place).  It takes 15 minutes to walk because there are two gigantic hills that I literally have to overcome.  By the time I get to the station, I'm huffing and puffing and feverish praying that I don't pass out before I get on the train.  

Seoul metro stations also have a lot of steps and not enough escalators.  Not so bad when walking into a station, but not so cool when exiting a station.  Considering that senior citizens get free rides on the subway, and there's a LOT of them that take advantage of this rule, I feel sorry for them when I see a never-ending set of stairs. There are elevators, but they are few and far between and only for use by handicapped, pregant, or senior passengers.  At least I haven't seen any broken escalators (WMATA, I was purposely going for a low blow).  

Today, I decided to take the train from Yeoksam Station (directly south of my place) to work.  I loved this route for three reasons:
1) It shaved off 5 minutes from my commute and it was all downhill walking.
2) An increase in the number of eye candies are on this line.  Thankfully, Seoul doesn't advocate Rub Against Me And I'll Expose You...yet.
3) Seeing this gigantic poster of my favorite kpop group, CNBlue, brings a big smile to my face.

Seoul Metro is really one of the most cleanest, efficient, and convenient systems, and it's used by more than 7 million people everyday.  The trains stop behind glass doors in pre-positioned places on the track, so there's no way of being pushed into the track because of crowd density.  TV screens tell passengers what the upcoming stop is in three languages (Korean, English, and Chinese).  

Side note: Speaking of the TV screens, they play this silly cartoon series called Larva in the metro.  It is so silly that I laugh and snort and don't really care if people start staring at me.  I stare back and jedi mind trick them to concentrate on their Starcraft II game. These aren't the droids you're looking for. You can go about your business. Move along.

Here's another shameless promotion of CNBlue and their newly released single, Hey You. Very Beatles-esque. I love the lead guitarist/singer.

Weekend Roundup

Whew, after an exhausting work week, it was time for play and no rest.  Thankfully, after an unusually long winter, it's finally spring in Seoul and the flowers are in full bloom, especially the cherry blossoms.  

Friday night, I met up with Carol at Top Cloud Restaurant.  It's a restaurant cocktail lounge located on the top floor of Jongno Tower, a landmark in itself because of the unique architecture. 

The 33rd floor (top floor) has a 360 degree view of central Seoul, and it looks phenomenal in the evening.  (One of the most stunning views of the city is from the women's restroom.  Needs to be part of the Bathrooms with a View list).   

After a lovely evening of champagne and kir royal, returning home was a different story: We could not catch a cab. Over 30 empty cabs pass us and it wasn't just us with a problem hailing cabs.  For some reason, the drivers would quickly switch the "available" sign to "reserved" and wouldn't stop for anyone.  WTF?  We finally got a cab driver to stop after 30 minutes, and told him he needed to drive us because we were freezing to death.  Once he let us in the car and were comfortably seated, I started interrogating the driver to determine why the taxi drivers wouldn't stop for anyone.  He said that the cab drivers didn't like to pick people up from that corner because most people were drunk.  In addition, he said that taxi drivers were one of the three professions that people looked down on, so they try not to pick up passengers between 11pm and 1am on Friday and Saturday evenings. (I think the other two "disrespected professions" are [1] obese dictators that spend $850 million on a failed missile launch program with money that can feed the starving citizenry for six years and [2] middle schoolers who spend their Saturdays waiting for a star sighting in front of the kpop agency instead of studying for college).   I'm not really sure how they are getting more respect by not picking up passengers during peak times, but it doesn't sound legal or logical.

Sunday was Rosa's birthday, so I volunteered to make dinner for her and her family.  One of my uncles, who lives in Pohang came up with his wife and joined us too. I ended up making a greenbean cauliflower casserole, lemon parmesan pasta with clams, chicken artichoke piccata, and made-from-scratch key lime pie.

(There's also three types of kimchi on the table.  You can't separate Koreans from their kimchi, even when serving pasta.)

It took me all week to find ingredients for this dinner, such as visits to the department store food floors, a trip to High Street Market, and included a request to my friend to get some stuff from the commissary.  Why?  Obviously, they only have hot dogs and kimchi at the supermarket and don't sell the following items: greenbean, sour cream, cheddar cheese, French's fried onion, lemon, parmesan cheese, canned clam, fresh herbs, marinated artichokes, capers, graham cracker, and lime.  

Side note: Limes are not very common in Korea.  I paid $9 for two limes, whereas back in the U.S., limes go for like 8 for $1.  Methinks it's going to be even more difficult to find a Corona or margarita happy hour considering that Cinqo de Mayo is coming up soon.  None of my cousins ever heard of or tasted key lime pie before, but they loved it. My new mission is to infuse lime into this culture .  I'll start with singing "Margaritaville" at the karaoke bar and then have people take SoCo and lime shots at the bar. I'm currently looking for investors to open a key lime pie bakery in Seoul. 

Anyways, Rosa's birthday was a great excuse for the family to get together, almost like a Thanksgiving in April. We enjoyed each other's company so much that my aunt has now dubbed me the Happiness Virus. I will take that as a compliment, even if I am a virus.

And what happens in Itaewon on Saturdays stays in Itaewon. ;) 

The Lunchtime Monologues (Part II)

A proposal was due at the end of the workday, so everyone was hustling and bustling all day.  At T+1 hour from when we usually eat lunch, I was starving so asked everyone if they just want to order in Chinese.  But Jess, don’t you remember what happened the LAST time you got your co-workers together for Chinese?  Look, I'm not going to apologize or back down because some senile narcissistic idiots thought innocent little me was planning a coup d'etat for getting people together for lunch. And like I said, if I were in the same situation, I wouldn't hesitate do the same thing all over again. Therefore...

Me: What do you want me to order?

CEO: Shrimp fried rice.

Co-worker A: Fried rice

Me:  No shrimp fried rice?  No?  Good choice!

I turn to another co-worker.  

Me:  What do you want?

Co-worker B: Fried rice

Co-worker C: Fried rice

And on and on and on.  I go into another office.

Me: Hey, we’re ordering Chinese food for lunch. What do you want?

Woman co-worker: I want the jjajangmyun.

I briefly lean over her desk to write the order down, and she sees the food order form.

Woman co-worker: WAIT!  Nevermind. I should get the fried rice too.

Me: Are you kidding me?

Woman: No. I should get the fried rice.

Me: It’s okay, you should get the jjajangmyun if you want to eat it. You don’t have to get fried rice like everyone else.

Woman: I should get the fried rice. Aren’t you getting the fried rice?

Me: I’m getting the jjajangmyun-jjampong combination.

And here’s a picture of us enjoying our Chinese lunch.  

War by the creators of South Park

Reading CNN, Washington Post, and various non-Korean newspapers, it seems like the whole world is on edge about the North Korean missile testing that will occur this weekend to commemorate the 100th Anniversary of the Sinking of the Titanic.  Reading all the hype about planes being re-routed and Japan being ready to shoot down any missiles, as well as being in range of NK’s artillery field, I went on the State Department’s Smart Traveler website to make sure that the embassy knows to evacuate me in case of war.  (Think epic picture of the Fall of Saigon).



I want to be on the chopper when it leaves, although it would be kind of cool to work in the medical bay (a la M*A*S*H).

I turned on the news this morning and the only thing that’s getting coverage is (1) yesterday’s National Assembly election and (2) the six-hour response time from the Seoul police when a young lady called to report that she was being raped and stabbed.  It seems like the South Koreans are used to missile threats from the North or just more concerned about who is on the latest Starcraft II global leader board.   Why isn’t anyone respecting Cartman’s authoritah?

Don’t worry, I’m not going to succumb to the apathy.  I mean, I’ve been analyzing the National Response Framework and the National Incident Management System for years now.  I’ve already laid-out the path to run  to the U.S. embassy in case of fireworks.  

It’s a Smarr Wolrd

Yesterday was a holiday because it was Election Day.  I had a whole day planned of visiting some of the royal palaces, going shoe shopping, and studying Chinese.  Unfortunately, a proposal is due later this week so I was asked to come into work.    

Thankfully, some of my friends from home were in Seoul, so I was able to meet them up for lunch.  We met up at the Shinsegae (Shin World) Department Store’s food court.   It’s called a food court, but it’s one of the fanciest food courts I’ve been to.  No Sbarros or McDonalds or Panda Express.  Instead, it represented all the different foods of Asia: Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. (and Starbucks).  You get to walk around and see all the different foods, and then you go to an ordering station and tell them what you want.  They give you a pager that will vibrate when your food is ready.

Since the weather was relatively pleasant, we ate outside.  The best part of lunching with Carol, Ungtae, and Helen was speaking English.  Yes, the lovely language where everything sounds Shakespearian.  It was pure poetry listening to Ungtae recount his week backpacking in Thailand, Carol talk about just completing a triathlon in Kona, Hawaii, and Helen share stories of her kids.  

(It wouldn’t be a picture if my eyes were open).

I’ve been speaking almost non-stop Korean since arriving in Seoul but still get mistaken for a Japanese tourist by the cab drivers.  I try to speak Korean 100% of the time while at work, but my co-workers only understand me 70% of the time.  I was afraid that I was going to start speaking Kongrish soon, but thanks to a power lunch, I’m grateful to know that my Rs and Ls are still intact.

Eastern Medicine

Because of fatigue, low energy, and overall negative health, I decided to go the traditional route and visited an herbalist doctor (Things to do in Korea Item #3) last week. He measured my pulse, and yesterday, I picked up a month’s supply of traditional herbal medicine called hanyak (I think it literally translates to “Korean medicine”).

It’s supposedly tailor-brewed to target all the ailments that the doctor picked up from a pulse reading. Every Korean kid has tried hanyak once (or more) in their lives, because our mothers swear by it. Just like Greek fathers use Windex as a cure-all, Korean mothers have force-fed hanyak to address everything from the common cold, obesity, and acne to bachelor-/spinsterhood and child-barrenness.

And here I am volunteering to take hanyak. The down side to hanyak is that there’s a lot of eating restrictions so that conventional food doesn’t interfere with hanyak’s medicinal properties. Mine is no flour, egg, sprouts, fried food, fatty food, spicy foods, and salty food. So I had a K.B ++ Kraze Burger, a bowl of jjajangmyun, and some pan-fried wontons for dinner last night as my last meal. Game on!

I have to drink two 5oz pouches a day, preferably in lieu of a meal or an hour after a meal. I don’t exactly know how to describe hanyak, but all I gotta say is Andrew Zimmern tried it in Hong Kong and he had such a hard time swallowing it that he poured the rest into the river.

This is what hanyak’s OkCupid profile would look like:

My self-summary
I have the look and texture of prune juice gone bad, taste like bitter mud, and leave a residue in your mouth of burning tire smoke. But your mom will love me! 

I’m really good at
Making people gag 

The first thing people usually notice about me
The smell…like rotting garbage on a hot summer day.

The six things I could never do without
What? Only six? Depending on each person, I need to choose a combination from hundreds of different dried things, like ginseng, tree bark, rose hip, deer antler, flying lizard gizzard, sea horse spout, yellow-leg black centipede penis, etc.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sucking on a piece of candy afterwards helps A LOT. 

You should message me if
You need help with internal balance and harmony. 

While we’re on the topic of mud and pureed bear guts, here’s another interesting feature of a Korean public restroom (this from the high-end Hyundai Department Store). It’s a button installed on the inside of the bathroom stall.

Push the button and music will play. But Jess, why would anyone need this feature? For those times when Mr, Hankey is about to have an explosive moment of gastrointestinal fortitude in a public restroom, silly.

And yes, Hyundai builds department stores in addition to cars.  Howdy-ho!

Easter Reflections

Happy Belated Easter to everyone back home!  Easter is just another business as usual Sunday here and all the stores were open.  The Easter bunny was nowhere to be found in Seoul, so on Saturday, Rosa and I sought it at High Street Market, a foreign market in the Itaewon neighborhood.  Itaewon is THE foreign neighborhood in Seoul because it is adjacent to the U.S. military base (Yongsan). 

Anyways, High Street Market is a small store but it was heaven.  We were immediately greeted by a bag of salt and vinegar kettle-cooked chips.  It went straight into our basket.  The bag of English muffins also found solace in my arms.  All in all, I was able to do a lot of statue-worthy liberating off the shelves but paid black market prices ($7 for a bag of chips!).  Here’s what my Taste of Home pantry now looks like:   

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any Kraft Cadbury Crème Egg, but tortilla chips and Pace Picante Sauce more than made up for it.

I attended Easter service at Yeoksam Catholic Church because they had an English mass and it’s located within a 15 minute walking distance from my place (okay, to be honest, I cabbed it).  Listening to the scriptures, I reflected on this new experience and chapter of my life.  Thank you everyone!  This opportunity only came because of the selfless and unconditional guidance and support from you guys throughout the years.  I will try not to disappoint you.

Amen.

Vanity, Thy Name is Woman

Finally, some free time! This weekend, my goal was to fulfill #1 and #2 on my Things to do in Korea list. Instead, I was able to tackle #2, #54, and #1,098 (temporarily), and it involves getting my first tattoo.

Item #1 - Eyelash Extensions

Eyelash extensions are huge in Korea, and much more affordable than in the States. That's because Asian girls have short eyelashes (demand curve) and the glue used to apply the lashes is not regulated by the Korean FDA. It's a process where single strands of faux eyelashes (synthetic, mink, silk, etc.) are applied meticulously to individual existing lashes. Here's a before and after example:

I went to Lash Labs for a consultation and application appointment. The women who work there are very professional and thorough during the consultation, where they assess the thickness and health of your existing lashes, and recommend the fullness, length, and type of lashes to apply. But when it was time for the lash application, I got side-tracked into fulfilling something else on my list...

Item #54 - Permanent Eyeliner

I hate eyeliner. I hate applying it, having it melt throughout the day, and taking forever to erase it in the evening. Yet I have to wear it in order to define my eyes. I have always thought about going through the process of having liner tattooed to my eyes, but mentally couldn't overcome the needles and pain. While I was lying on the "operating" bed getting my make-up removed before the eyelash application, the technician started talking about their pain-free permanent eyeliner method. It took less than 10 seconds for me to make the decision to get permanent eyeliner and jump in another "operating" bed. In 15 short minutes, a permanent make-up specialist drew in my new eyes. This new process, Germanic in origin, dyes the skin instead of inserting ink. Okay, so I guess it's not a tattoo. But it's permanent (for the next four years).

A temporary side-effect of pigment irritation is swollen eyes, and saved me thousands of dollars for a temporary experience of having...

Item #1,098 - Double Eyelids

Ads for plastic surgery clinics is so commonplace in Seoul that I would equate it to seeing a University of Phoenix ad in DC. Over 70% of Korean women in their 20s and 30s have had plastic surgery. The percentage is higher in Seoul, and the most frequently requested surgery is the double-eyelid surgery. (See sample before and after picture)

I actually like my fatty eyelids and prominant epicanthal fold, so double eyelid surgery was never in my radar. My temporary double-eyelids were uncomfortable because I felt like I couldn't close my eyes tightly and it kept on drying out. Fail.

Side note: Epicanthal folds are also a medical condition associated with fetal alcohol syndrome (and a touch of Downs too). Considering that drinking is a Korean national past-time, I wonder what percentage of "Asian eyes" are attributed to fetal alcohol syndrome.

Item #2 - Haircut

Four months ago when I was in Seoul, I got one of the best haircuts in my life. It cost the equivalent of $10 and the experience was equivalent to paying $75+ for a haircut in the US. The best neighborhood to get a haircut is adjacent to Ewha Woman's University, the largest all-girl's institution in the world. There is an abundance of salons in this neighborhood. The experience of picking a salon is like walking the Vegas Strip where those guys slap the flyers in their hands and distribute pamphlets for call girls and phone sex. Except in this case, it's old ladies distributing flyers for the salons that they represent. Since I would like to have longer hair, I went for straight bangs and it was still $10.

As for Item #1, I couldn't get eyelash extensions yesterday because of the compound risk and irritation of mixing eyelash adhesive with micropigmentation dye. But no worries, I have an appointment at the end of the month to get eyelash extensions.

The Lunchtime Monologues

Waitress: What would you like to eat?

CEO: I'd like to have the fish stew.

Team member #1: Me too.

Team member #2: I'd like that one.

Team member #3: That sounds good.

Waitress: Okay, how many people are getting the fish stew?

N-1 hands go up. Waitress writes the number on her order pad, and turns to me.

Me: I'd like the raw beef bibimbap. But no mushrooms and that brown root thing. Can you also cook my egg over easy? And please bring my miso soup out as an appetizer.

Waitress leaves to place the order. No one is making any sound. I turn to one of the co-workers next to me.

Me: So, what's a good place for happy hour around here.

Co-worker: There are none here.

Everyone stares in our direction. Silence.

Me: Uhhh, is there anywhere in Seoul with a good happy hour?

Co-worker #1: Hongdae area.

Me: What are the drink specials like?

Co-worker #2: I don't know.

Awkward silence throughout table. I attempt to start a conversation with the lady sitting across from me.

Me: I found out that your last name is also Shin. What Shin clan are you from?

Co-worker #2: Pyeongsan.

CEO: There weren't that many Shin's a hundred years ago.

Me: Well, someone was keeping busy.

Wide-eyed silence. (Please note: No one has said a word since we sat down for lunch.) I turn to the CEO.

Me: I hear that next week is Election Day.

CEO: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that it is a holiday.

Me: Oh cool. I guess I will do some sightseeing.

CEO: Did anyone explain to you about the Korean election process?

Me: No. Are you voting for the new president?

CEO: No, just the national assembly members. There are 12 parties that are fighting for the majority.

And we proceeded to discuss politics for the rest of the meal while everyone sat silently eating their fish stew.

Cultural Immersion

Although I profess to be Korean, I realize that I more closely identify with being a Korean-American (obviously). Here are some quirky things I picked up today:

1) Korean employment policy dictates that the employer pays for your lunch during the work day. I think I love this policy. I know this is norm for all those Google, Facebook, and Microsoft employees, but a national policy of company-expensed lunch is a plus in my book. When you think about it, this policy encourages camaraderie, helps out local restaurants (most which are small businesses), and employment preference is dictated by an area with the most restaurants. Well, the latter probably isn't true, but now I understand why there are so many restaurants everywhere.

2) As part of the "going to lunch with your co-workers" experience, most traditional Korean restaurants require taking off your shoes and sitting on heated floors in front of low tables. Wearing a skirt for an hour meal sitting geisha-pouring-tea-style and not Native American-cross-your-legs-and-sit-style is not so cool. But, I'm a quick learner--I wore pants yesterday.

3) After the third day, I wanted something non-kimchi, so went to an Italian restaurant with my cousin Rosa. Ordered a delicious squid ink pasta, but cracked up laughing when a side of pickles came out with the dish. Yes, like sliced pickles that you would eat with sandwiches/burgers. I watched a Korean drama last year called Pasta, and the premise of the drama was the operation of an Italian restaurant in Korea. The exec chef was a Korean-born Italian-trained chef, and one of the stories was about him not understanding why Koreans expect a side of pickles with their pasta, and the other chefs told him that the Korean palate requires the pickles as an alternative to kimchi. I'm amused to see them really serve pickles with pasta--Snookie should open a restaurant here.

4) When I see "sausage" on the menu as an ingredient, I am thinking italian sausage, chorizo, bratwurst, etc. where ground meat is stuffed into casings. Here, "sausage" means "hot dog" (think Nathan's, Ballpark, Oscar Meyer). When Rosa ordered a pizza with sausage, artichoke, and egg, it came out with sliced hot dog meat, artichoke, and egg. Fail.

First day of work

First post! I must admit it was an emotional saying goodbye to everyone, even though we're only seconds away through technology. I was trying to stay strong when I was kissing goodbye to Cleo, but broke down in the car en route to the airport.

The apartment that I am staying in Seoul for a month is nestled in a bustling neighborhood, near two metro lines within a 10 minute walking distance. Restaurants and karaoke bar are around the corner (smiles). The most exciting part about this location is that the building next door neighbor is a k-pop management agency. No, haven't seen teens with signs skipping school to see their kpop idol. I *think* I'm old because I don't even recognize the artists' names.

My uncle didn't give me any room to get over the jetlag. I was expected to show up to work the next morning for a full day of meetings. I was dreading the infamous people who are paid to push people into the subway cars, but didn't encounter any of them (whew!). There were meetings scheduled outside of Seoul to meet people from various Agencies who had oversight on environmental protection and research.

One of the meetings was 30 minutes NW of Seoul in a city called Goyang (city motto: Let's Go Yang! Seliousry, no joke). We were getting a tour of the Ilsan Lake Park, one of the biggest artificial lakes in Asia. It is a beautiful park, but my experience was a bit diminished in 32 degree windy conditions and four inch heels. There was a section of the park that was flying all the flags of the world. I found myself seeking out any signs of home, and had a Francis Scott Key-esque moment with the stars and stripes.

The Lake Park was also my first encounter with the "hole in the ground" public restroom. Surprisingly, not very threatening.

How appropriate that after the "hole in the ground" experience was a meeting at a Sewage Treatment Plant. It was the first time visiting such a place, and I must say that it was pretty interesting. In the visitor's center (you know, because who wouldn't want to plan a family visit to a Sewage Treatment Plant?), they were touting their work of purifying and filtering the water. To drive home the perspective of environmental friendliness, the steps in the visitor's center was designed to look like an aquarium.

Let's just say that the best part of the day was eating roasted BBQ eel...YUM!