Missing in Action

Happy Memorial Day and the official start of summer. Hope everyone had a great weekend through the heatwave. Monday was also a holiday in Korea, though not Memorial Day. It was "The Coming of Buddha" day, equivalent to Christmas for Christians.  There were colorful lamps hanging all around Seoul and the Buddhists celebrated by watching kung fu monk movies.

Sorry for not blogging last week. I was in China for business all week and have been overwhelmed following up with everything. In case you are wondering, I loved China and will have a couple of blog articles coming soon once I get a breather.

Taxicab Dialogues (Part IV)

I was very tired this morning and it was hot, so instead of riding the metro, I hopped in a cab hoping to get a little nap during the 40 minute drive (lots of traffic).

Taxi Driver: You're not Korean, are you?

Me: What do you think I am?

Taxi Driver: Japanese.

Me: Nope, born in Korea but just came from the U.S.

I put on my sunglasses and leaned back in the backseat -- the universal symbol of "I'm sleeping so don't bother me."

Taxi Driver: Isn't Korea great?

Me (mumble): Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

Taxi Driver: You know there's a lot of distinguished Koreans all over the world.

Me: Uh huh.

Taxi Driver: The UN Secretary, Ban Ki Moon, is Korean.  And the World Bank just got a new president who is Korean and he was the president of Dartmouth College.  Even the Philippine president is dating a Korean news announcer.  They are going to get married soon.

Me: Uh huh.

Taxi Driver: Well, I guess it's not confirmed if they are dating, since the Philippine president is kind of corrupt.  But wouldn't it be great if they are dating?  Girl's Generation was in the U.S. a couple of months ago.  They performed at Johnny Carson's show!  (It was actually Letterman.)  Korean music is becoming really popular all over the world now!

Me: Uh huh.

Taxi Driver: Do you know that the World Expo started last weekend?  Can you believe that a World Expo is being held in Korea?  The last time an Expo was held in Korea was in 1993 in Daejeon.  The theme this year is on environmental and water conservaton and that's why it's being held in Yeosu.  Yeosu is such a small city and it's incredible that they are even hosting the Expo.

Me (sighing, I raise my sunglasses over my head and sit up): Yeah, well, the organizers are doing a piss poor job.  I can't believe they didn't upgrade their infrastructure.

Taxi Driver: They built a huge hotel!

Me: Yeah, great.  What is the total number of hotels now?  Four?  Do you think approximately 1,000 rooms are enough to accommodate an expected 10 million visitors in the next three months?

Taxi Driver: Well, the organizers didn't want to build too many hotels in case people didn't come back after the Expo.

Me: No one wants to go to the Expo because they can't get a hotel room.  And they didn't make it any easier for foreigners to reserve rooms.  Why do you think the international participants are pulling out?

Shades are back on and I lean back in the seat for that long awaited sleep.

BTW, I'm off to Yeosu this weekend to see the Expo.  But Jess, why are you going if you think it's going to be piss poor?  I'm old school like that and barely even got a hotel room (it's 23km from city center).  Think back to how amazing it would have been to see the Crystal Palace in 1851 (London), Eiffle Tower in 1900 (Paris), the Space Needle in 1962 (Seattle), etc.

I want to be a part of it.

Fee-Fi-Fo-Food

Yesterday, I had this amazing fried squid off the street.  This cart is only open in the afternoons, but Rosa's boyfriend begged them to stay open til 9pm because he was bringing a guest who came all the way from the far side of the U.S. to taste their fried squid (a.k.a., Me).  Did it live up to the hype?  YES!  They took fresh squid and dipped it in a doughy pancake-like batter, and it was perfect coming out of the fryer.  There was a 7-11 next door, so we bought couple bottles of soju and drank it with the fried squid...right in front of the cart.

I've had some memorable meals in Seoul, and the best meal, if you haven't already guessed, was the Pork Curry Tonkatsu.  If the location wasn't so far away from my house, I would probably eat it everyday.  It is delicious and perfect.

Other memorable meals:
- Soondae (blood sausauge) stew - Even when I was going through my "I can't eat anymore Korean food or kimchi" stage, the soup was so delicious and good.  I need to jedi mind trick the co-workers to go there for lunch.
- Burger Project at the COEX Hyundai Department Store (there are multiple Hyundai Department Stores in Seoul) - The burger is so flavorful and juicy, and even better with a side of blue cheese steak fries gratin.
- Mandoo (dumplings) - It's my food obsession in Korea.  I love the ones that are served pan-fried.  I feel like I'm living my own version of Old Boy because I eat mandoo a couple of times a week when I can't decide what to eat for dinner.  I currently have three bags of frozen mandoo in the freezer.

- Grilled pork bellies - Korean BBQ places are everywhere, and the thick cut pork bellies are the best.  I'm not a huge fan of soju, but I can definitely tolerate a lot of it when paired with pork belly and lettuce wraps.
- Dtuk - I never much cared for rice cakes.  Even in the US, we eat them at weddings, family gatherings, after Christmas mass, etc.  But then I tasted the ones that my mom's older sister makes, and I'm in love.

Weird things that I enjoyed:
- Cow intestines - It's cut into bite-size pieces and cooked on the table top with a side of raw liver.  Dip it in sesame seed oil and it's pretty chewy buy swallowable.  I don't eat the liver raw BTW.
- Seafood - This is all types of seafood, from BBQ roasted eel to raw animate octopus to freshly caught fish sashimied.  The Koreans do well with seafood.
- Hanyak - After taking this medicine for a month, I think my mouth has acquired the taste for raw garbage.  At least I stopped gagging when I drink it.

In addition to having memorable meals, I've had some meals that were so terrible that I need to remember them just to not make that mistake again:
- Dtukbokgi - This is Korean college students' favorite food.  It's rice cakes cooked in a spicy chili soy paste.  It's street food at its best, but they have restaurants that serve Ddukbokgi and you can add more stuff to it, like ramen, mandoo, and sausage (i.e., hot dog meat).  So simple that it would be hard to mess up, right?  Wrong.  I really wanted to like it, and I can't even describe what I find it to be so cringe-worthy, but I will never eat dtukbokgi in Korea again.
- Kimchi jigae - This used to be my favorite Korean food.  But then I had some terrible ones in Seoul that my face inadvertently cringes when someone mentions kimchi jigae.  I think I will only eat kimchi jigae if I make it, and that's because it's made with bacon.
- Egg - I can tell you the exact moment when I lost interest in eating eggs.  It's when I had a burger topped with a fried egg right before I started taking hanyak. Fail.
- Mom, I'm sorry to say this, but your little sister's cooking is pretty terrible.

Things from home that I miss:
- Mom's cooking
- Ellen's tuna fish sandwich
- Jessica Roll
- Fois Gras mousse and spaghetti and meatball from Proof Restaurant
- Diet Coke
- Bechamel sauce lasagne and nutella ravioli from Floriana
- Happy hour wine deals

I dreampt about New England Clam Chowder in a sourdough bread bowl earlier this week.  Let's see how much fun I can have trying to find those ingredients!

Taxicab Dialogues (Part III)

Me: Sir, can you please take me near Cha Hospital in Yeoksam-dong?

Taxi Driver: Okay.

I look down at my phone and proceed to message my friends.

Taxi Driver: Customer, can I tell you something?

Me: I know, I know.  I don't sound like I'm from around here.

Taxi Driver: No, I just wanted to correct you on the way told me your destination.

Me: Huh?  Is there another Cha Hospital in Seoul?

Taxi Driver: I just wanted to tell you that you could have conserved your energy if you just told me, "Cha Hospital."

Me: Okay...I was just trying to be specific so that you wouldn't get "lost" or misunderstand me. 

Side note: I've been in situations where I give my destination to the taxi driver and they take me to another place or they take roundabout ways to get me to my destination since they know I'm a foreigner and they want to charge me more money.

Taxi Driver: Customer, you seem young so let me teach you something.  I didn't even go to kindergarten but I'm over 70 now and I have a lot of knowledge that I've collected over the years. When you get to be my age, you need to conserve your energy and you want to be as efficient as possible when speaking.

Me:  Okay...but you're wasting your energy lecturing me...hey!  It's Elvis!  Sir, do you like Elvis Presley?

Taxi Driver: Of course I do.  Customer, I only listen to these classic songs on the radio and I make my customers listen to them because they should all appreciate these songs.

He proceeds to roll up the window and turns the volume up.  Seliousry, Taxi Driver and I start to sing "It's Now or Never" together.  BTW, it's 83 degrees outside and the car AC is not on, so I'm slowly melting to death.

Me: Uhhh sir, the window...

Taxi Driver: Customer, we're about to go in a tunnel, so I can't roll down the window.

Me: Uhhh, air conditioner...

The Taxi Driver ignores me because "California Dreaming" by the Mamas and Papas is on.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one he decided to "teach" during this ride.  Although this man seemed pleasant enough, he was by far the worst driver I've been in a car with. I am like a safe student driver compared to this guy.  This driver probably honked his horn more times in that 40 minute ride than I've ever used in my driving lifetime.  And for no reason:  

A car signals and gets in front of him, HONK.  
He passes the car that just got in front of him, HONK HONK.  
The light is about to turn green, HONK.  
The car that just passed him catches up to him, HONK.
A bus is stops to drop off passengers, HONK.
A motorcycle passes him, HONK.

I couldn't wait to get out of the car.

Vanity, Thy Ethnicity is Korean

The whole culture is beauty and youth obsessed, and it's a lot of fun to go into a beauty store here. Korea is on the forefront of beauty products, such as the BB cream that is just starting to be sold and marketed in the U.S. I decided to have fun with Korean beauty products too.

My obsession are the paper face masks (Things to do in Korea #6).  I just stocked up on a bunch of them because it's ₩1,000 - 4,000 ($1 ~ ₩1,000) for one, while at Sephora, they sell equivalent masks for over $8. The masks are specialized for different beauty regiments, like skin whitening, hydrating, etc. The masks that I purchased have collagen, skin-tightening, and wrinkle-reducing formulas.  Every other evenings, I religiously wash off the makeup, cover my face with the mask, and play Dope Wars  for 15-20 minutes. Some of the masks give off a tingling sensation so I imagine the skin repairing itself while I practice the "buy low, sell high" concept in the underworld and get chased by Officer Hardass and his thugs for that huge cocaine deal. I'll report back in a month on whether my pores got smaller or if my skin stopped sagging.

My supply of various paper face masks

Side note: Anyone want to be my business partner?  I will just buy up a bunch of paper face masks and BB creams and you can be my U.S. distributor/retailer.  I guarantee the profit margin will be amazing!
Beauty in Korea is also very much synonymous with plastic surgery. The practicing philosophy in Korea is that a student studies hard to get into a good college. Then the student gets plastic surgery before leaving college to get a good job and a good-looking partner (who also had plastic surgery).  I just found out that there's an unwritten rule that you must submit your picture with resume submissions. Those who do not submit a picture have a low chance of getting through the first round of interviews. Uhhhh, does that sound like Monster.com or Match.com?Totally different from the meritocracy culture that I'm used to that tells us to embrace our individuality, intelligence, personality, and God-given looks. 

Couple of my friends had kids right before I left the U.S., so I visited the babies and the first thing I do is comment on whose features the baby has. I can't play that game in Korea because there are some kids that look NOTHING like the mom or dad. Instead, I discreetly ask to see grandpa or grandma's picture. I bet you that parent is going to give the gift of plastic surgery to the kid for his/her 10th birthday, and not because the kid is ugly or anything. It's just the natural progression here to have the "perfect" features for a better life. I'm not even going to start on the meaning of "happiness." 

One of my favorite ads for plastic surgery that I see on the Seoul Metro.: Before and after using emoticons.

Another typical plastic surgery ad on Seoul Metro.

One thing I observed was that no one hardly wears sunglasses. I wear mine all the time and notice people looking in my direction. Unfortunately, all those stares wasn't because they mistaked me for a kpop star or because they were attracted to my dazzling smile. Someone explained to me that sunglasses were associated with people who leave the plastic surgery clinic in bandages wrapped around their face and hiding behind huge sunglasses. Oh well, I'm not going to give up on the sunglass addiction, freckles, or my imperfect nose.

Cinqo de Margaritas

I was kind of dreading and looking forward to celebrating one of my favorite holidays, Cinqo de Mayo, in Seoul.  First, it's hard to find anything regularly at restaurants besides soju and beer.  Even when I went to a fancy Italian restaurant in Seoul with a wine list, it turns out most of the wines just "happen to be out" that evening.  I wasn't so sure about my chances of finding some good margaritas.  Second, May 5th is Children's Day, a Korean holiday.  If it fell on a weekday, it would've been a holiday, but unfortunately, it fell on Saturday so I missed out on an opportunity to have two holidays within four days of each other.  Cartoons were running non-stop in every channel and there were activities geared towards the children all over Seoul.  What better way to celebrate children than getting drunk with margaritas?

Rosa and I went to Itaewon because I guessed it would be our best chance to find margaritas and guacamole. This genie in a bottle was correct.  We ended up going to a place called Loco Laca behind the Hamilton Hotel.  Who knew we could find some good frozen margaritas, tequila rose shots, nachos, and a beef burrito in Seoul?  We were in such a good mood afterwards that we went across the street to a noraebang (karaoke room) and sang our hearts out for over an hour in the middle of the afternoon.  I was sad they didn't have Margaritaville.  

I was truly in cinqo de mayo heaven today.  Looking back, it's been one of the most interesting and enlightening month of my life.  The whole cultural aspect has been eye-opening, and it has made me want to stay true to myself as I watch other people conform to their environment.  Uniqueness and individuality has become more precious to me.

I know through this blog I have been able to share my experiences, but I do wish my friends and family from back home were here in Seoul with me.  My photobook has been my lifeline, inspiration, and compass and every experience is engaged with the hope that I have something insightful to share with all of you.

A couple of days ago, I received a surprise from my dear friends, the Morgans.  Thank you for thinking of me from so far away.  I love my P*Control care package!

Happy Cinqo de Mayo and Children's Day!

It's alive!

I went out with some friends last night, and we went to a live seafood restaurant.  You pick what you want from the menu and the chef pulls out the seafood from the fish tank, cuts it up, and brings it to the table.  One of the things that we ordered was the "live" octopus salad.  The chef takes a live octopus and presents it in salad form all cut up and writhing randomly.   It was pretty gross how it was wriggling and moving like that, but when in Rome, so I dipped that in some sesame seed oil and ate it.  Kinda interesting having the tentacles wriggle around on my tongue, but I chewed the hell out of it before swallowing.  I hear that an average of ten people choke and die a year when the tentacle suctions get stuck in their throat. 

Speaking of live seafood, I spent last Sunday at the Noryangjin Fish Market for a private tour with the Exec Chefs of the Seoul Ambassador Grand and JW Marriott and their families.  Noryangjin is one of the biggest fish markets in the world (700,000 sq. ft. warehouse space) and there are rows and rows and rows of fresh of seafood. We walked around and saw octopuses of various sizes, gigantic Russian king crabs, skates, gigantic clams, etc. The best part of the fish market is being able to pick out your own live fish from the tank, and within three minutes, the fish is cleaned and ready to eat sashimi style.

Mini octopii

Huge ginormous octopus tentacles

Disembowled monk fish.  The quality of the innards reflect the freshness of the fish.

Salted and spicy roe eggs and other inside fish organs.

Gigantic clams and shellfish

This tiger shrimp was bigger than this grown man's hand.

Paul the Octopus.  It predicts a Romney win.

Dozen freshly-shucked oysters for less than $5.

This boy was playing with the fish that we picked to be sashimi-ed.

The aftermath.

I forget what the name of this creature is, but I call it the sea penis.  When submerged in water, it blows up into it's unique cylindrical shape.  When you pull it out of the water and squeeze it, water squirts out from one end like a little boy playing with his wee wee.  Seliousry, what else would you call it besides sea penis?  If this was a fortune cookie, the message would say, "Lots of women eat it sashimi style." In bed.

You're absolutely right if this sounds like a perfect venue for Bizzare Foods.  Andrew Zimmern visited the Noryangjin Fish Market in the Korea episode, and our guide Dan Gray was even featured later in the episode enjoying some turtle soup and poisonous blowfish sashimi with Andrew.

Pork bellies, Soju, and Karaoke: The universal language of friendship

Tuesday (May 1) was a holiday to celebrate May Day (equivalent of Labor Day).  Therefore, it meant Monday night was an office outing for BBQ infidel pork bellies and karaoke.  As the alcohol was flowing freely, no one was lacking in conversation or story-telling.  The pork bellies were half an inch thick, fatty, and soooooo delicious with makgoli (cloudy rice wine) and soju.  Some of the co-workers were bold enough to ask me for English lessons every week, which I happily obliged.  

Embarassingly, I don't know anyone's first name because like the military, everyone goes by their title and last name (i.e., Section Chief Han) in the office.  Well, except for me, cuz I'm egalitarian and everyone just calls me Jae-shi-ka.  Yeah, I know I should be ashamed since I've been here for almost a month, but in my defense, I've been having a hard time to get them to talk during lunch.  They were trying to tell me what their first names were over soju, but it's really difficult to learn anything when inebriated, so I just started giving everyone an "American" name.  I am now KakaoTalk buddies with most of my co-workers.

After dinner, we practiced safe drinking by hiring designated drivers.  You call a number and a designated driver arrives within 10 minutes, who you pay $13 to drive your car.  Pretty awesome indeed.  The designated driver took us to the Mapo neighborhood where we sent the rest of the evening karaokeing at a noraebang (literally means 'singing room.') and I impressed the hell out of everyone with old school H.O.T. and Eminem.

The bonding experience on Monday was so effective that this is what happened when we went to a food court for lunch today.

Co-worker A: What are you going to get?

Me: Curry tonkatsu.  How about you?

Co-worker A: Yeah, me too.

Co-worker B: That sounds pretty good.

Co-worker C: I haven't had that in a while.  I think I'm going to get that too.

Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up?  Guess who's the head lemming now! It's about time, since I have to stay in Seoul for another month.